It seems like when you finally try to pull yourself together, plan out your next few moves so you can make small leaps of faith things don’t always happen the way you would like them to….. Yea I know its life and things don’t go as they plan. But shit when is a person able to catch a break. Its like you are drowning in aspirations, negative thoughts, hope, depression, pain, attempting to be happy, and suicidal thoughts at the same time. Yea scary to even contemplating no longer existing in a place where you always felt invisible and not enough for some you spent your whole life time trying to prove that you are.

What is it that you are chasing? what do you want most in this moment that would make you feel accepted to no one else, but to yourself. Where is it or who is it that you find gives you the most peace, calm, pleasure, love, and fulfills your emotional and mental desires where you can flourish and create a safe space for your own vibe to speak up and say yes I can do this and it will be ok.

Finding The Strength

For most people it is easy to move on and let things go. to not harbor things that have molded them into the person they are. Then there is me, I hold on to things. Not in a grudge holding I will never for give anyone for anything kind of way. But, like even though it has happened and I know it is past it just still hurts because its on constant replay in my mind. It is like a fresh wound that won’t heal. It has taken a lot of time form me to learn and try to figure out how to cop with things in general. This year I plan and still intend on accomplishing a lot. I really just need to learn how to let go. I have been told I am mean hearted, and I have become content with being alone. well damn it if you don’t know or even bother to understand my struggles, and my scars that have created the person you see today then you never will. I am just trying to create a new found self image that makes me happy and stronger with in my own space.

Don’t Call it a Come Back

Initially my blog was suppose to be about health and wellness for yourself. And it still is and will be. But, I think it is also turning into a safe space to openly discuss some of the things I fall short on and how I want to turn them into something I can use in the future. I feel like this is my new year do over lol. Cause whew Chile when I tell you January and February were not so nice to ya girl, it truly is an understatement. But this time around it truly will be a lot better and more viable things to make a healthier mind, body, and vibe. So I hope you can forgive my absence and still rock and roll with this Knot So Fat Girl. ^_^

Book of the Month

This month book of the month is Don’t Be a Wife to a Boyfriend by Shonda Brown White. When I started reading this book I felt like she was doing a document on my life! like GGIIRRLLL were you watching me over the years or something ??!?!??? lol but in all seriousness it is a really great read. I feel like there is a lot of good points to take away from it and it gives you tips on how to love yourself before you can prepare yourself to love someone else. For me it was definitely a hard look in the mirror for sure but definitely worth the read.

Feel Good Vibes

Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I WILL Love Who I Am.

-Janelle Monae

PEACE,LOVES

Hello Hello Hello again and thanks for tuning in to the world of a Knot So Fat Girl. It is official the turn up day, we have all worked hard all week and now it is the WEEKEND BABYYY and it is time to kick back relax and get right. I hope everyone had an amazing and productive week. And for those who have to work this weekend (like myself) that off day is coming. 😉

The Hard Parts

I am about to be complete honest right now, like I previously stated I am going to try my best to keep it all the way really real… This week had to be the worst week for me on my weight loss journey. I am not sure what it was or what exactly came over me, but I went into like a mini dark cloud where I felt really down and just a complete mess. I started doubting myself, and having a whole different out look on what I am trying to do. I really just felt like I was in over my head and I really just should stop now because I know I will not lose this weight. I just really felt low and discouraged about the process and the effort I am really putting in to make this happen.

The fact of hearing people say things like you just need to push back from the table, or you be cuter if you lost a little weight, or you are cute for a big girl. This day and age most take it as a grain of salt, and embrace their bodies and know who they are and don’t care about what others feel. I commend those beautiful, strong women. But, me I am my hardest critic. I hold on to those words and wonder if I am actually good enough the way I am or would I actually be prettier if I did lose the weight. The answer is you have to be pretty, intelligent, dope, fly, swaggy to yourself before you can be to anyone else. After you have learned that why does it really matter what anyone else thinks? That is what I am learning on my journey of self discovery.

For a second I really had to sit and think why am I really doing this? Is it to please other that think I am too big, or could stand to lose a few pounds? Am I trying to fit in to the current standard of beauty? My sole purpose of venturing into my weight loss is to be stronger, mentally and physically, as well as being healthier and knowing that I am capable being happy with myself no matter what size I am. I want my mental to be just as solid and my perception of My ideal self to be in tune and balanced with my whole being.

Motivation is EVERYTHING

Motivation is very important when it comes to staying the course with anything. There is always going to be a means to an end and you are the Captain of your own destiny. If you want something bad enough you will work your ass off to get where you are trying to go. No matter how long it takes you to get there. Trying to keep a positive mindset can be difficult, at least for me most days it can be really tough. But, I know how bad I want this and I am going to work hard to set myself up to be successful and reach my intend goal.

Surround yourself with like minded people who will be your motivation when you feel like the odds are against you. Know how to self motivate when times are hard and you feel like there is nothing left in you. Manifest your goals and let that be your ultimate motivation to see you through the hardest parts of your journey.

Good Vibes

Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
– Barack Obama

My Take:

Don’t let the moment pass you by to be come better than you were yesterday.

PEACE, LOVES

ITS FRIYAYYY happy Friday to all you dope ladies and gents out there. I welcome you back to the world of a Knot So Fat Girl. I hope everyone had a productive and great week. We have made it through the first official week of the new year! I have to say that its a blessing in itself cause some weren’t able to get that far.

First Week to Fit

This is the first full week I have completed in my workout. I have to say it sucked. I got sick for the simple fact of having not been in the gym in months, and my water intake was subpar at best. I get winded fast as hell and when I run a mile it I feel like I am dying lol. I went for a run yesterday just to try to work on my endurance and breathing a man pulled over on the other side of the road turned around just to ask me if I needed a ride. I was like well damn do I look like I am struggling that bad?!? but for the most part I feel like I did pretty ok. I weighed myself and I am starting at 268.7 pounds. which has been a consistent weight for me for almost 2 years now. Yes, I am very embarrassed to even be saying my weight but I am working on being open about the process.

I always start my workouts with 30 minutes to an hour of pure cardio just to get the blood flowing and my heart rate going. Cardio is not just the treadmill, I try to mix it up and with walking on the incline or outside. doing the stair stepper, the elliptical, row machine, anything to get your work out started. After I have completed the cardio portion I pick a workout that I found on Pinterest. I think my goal for the first few months is not to mess with weights until I get my cardio right and lose some of the weight. I do a lot of calisthenics work outs or workouts using my own body weight. So things like push ups, pull ups, planks, wall sits things of that nature just to get started and further down the line I will ease my way back into lifting.

Meal Prep

This week what I did for my meal prep was left overs. My mom cooked for the New Year, and boy let me tell you she threw all the way down LORT!!! lol Any way, I have these portion bowls that I use ( I bought them for her but they low key mine now) to measure out my food. the past couple days I have been eating collard greens and turnips, and 2 small slices of lamb for protein. We really do not eat beef or pork in my house so lamb is the alternative red meat of choice. Chicken, turkey, and fish is the meat we normally buy, and LOTS of veggies. I personally like the fresh veggies that I can take the time to hand pick. But sometimes Walmart’s produce does not look all that great and it always has that weird wax film on it. If you have a local farmers market near you I suggest that instead of the store bought veggies. They are so much nicer and have an even better taste in my opinion.

When it comes to meal prepping you don’t have to get all the fancy bowls and things. And you definitely do not have to spend a whole bunch of money on the food systems and things that some people use. Below I have put together a mock grocery list of the things I like and would normally purchase for at least 2 weeks of meal prep for 3 people (me, my mom, and my brother). Good whole organic meats, veg, and starches and I will also put one of my favorite recipes up so you can try and tell me what you think.

My Shopping List

So on an average store run for meats, produce, veggies, condiments, breakfast items and other thing I spend an average of $130.00. I think that is pretty good especially being that some of these items will last a bit.

Grocery list:

Turkey (ground, breast, and wings)

rice (brown or wild)

Oils & Vinegars ( olive oil, balsamic vinegar)

Potatoes (fingerlings, russets)

Greek low fat yogurt

Eggs

100% Raw Organic Honey

Lamb

Cheese (feta, Colby jack block of cheese)

Chicken (boneless skinless breast, thighs)

Produce ( garlic, ginger, green beans, squash, zucchini, bell peppers, avocados)

These are just a few of the items I pick up when I go grocery shopping. Some of these items will be the base for just about all my cooking to make nummy and healthy meals to take to work, and to make snacks in between meals and workouts. The goal is to eat small meals at least 5 (breakfast, snack, lunch snack, dinner) to train your body to know that you don’t need giant portions every time you sit down to eat. Through the week my breakfast is 2 boiled eggs and my water, for a snack I eat maybe a piece of fruit or I cut up tomatoes and cucumbers (I work in a kitchen) with a little salt and pepper, oil and vinegar or Italian dressing and that is my snack. I eat whatever I brought for lunch and by the time it is time to have another snack I am off work and getting ready to go to the gym. like all things new it will take time to adjust and you will be hungry but make sure you eat enough to satisfy but DO NOT OVER EAT.

Good Eats that Satisfy

below I have provided two nummy recipes that I personal have tried and like a lot.

SN: Mad shout out to Pinterest cause they have come through with sooo many amazing and healthy recipes that has made this all the more easier and delicious.

White Bean Chicken Chili

Ingredients

• 3 jalapeño peppers
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 cups yellow onion, 1/4-inch dice
• 1 tablespoon cumin
• 1 1/4 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 1 cup roasted green chilies, canned, divided
• 2 1/2 cups white beans, (2-15 oz canned) drained
• 1 cup unsalted chicken stock, divided
• 1 1/2 cups corn, (15 ounces canned)
• 1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt, more as needed
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Instructions

• Line a small baking sheet with foil.
• Turn on broil setting on the oven.
• Evenly space out the three jalapeños on the sheet tray.
• Place sheet tray on the highest rack in the oven. Roast the jalapeños until the skins brown and blister, turning over as needed to get all the sides roasted, about 15 minutes.
• Place the roasted chili’s in a small bowl and cover tightly with plastic wrap. Allow the chilies to come to room temperature; the trapped heat will make the skins easier to peel.
• Once cooled, remove the skin and stems. If you like a very spicy chili, leave the seeds, for a more mild chili remove the seeds and discard. Set the jalapeños aside.
• In a large microwave-safe bowl add olive oil, diced onions, minced garlic, and cumin. Stir to combine.
• Microwave for 3 minutes, stir and cook another 2 minutes until onions are tender. Add to slow cooker.
• Add chicken breasts, ½ cup of the roasted chilies, corn, 1 cup of the white beans, ½ cup chicken stock to the slow cooker.
• In a blender, puree ½ cup roasted green chilies, roasted jalapeños, 1 cup beans, and ½ cup chicken stock until smooth, 45 seconds. Add to slower cooker.
• Add salt and pepper to slow cooker.
• Cover and cook on high for 3 hours, or low for 6 hours.
• Remove chicken and shred or cut into cubes.
• Add back to slow cooker and stir to combine. Taste chili and season with more salt and pepper as needed. Serve chili with toppings as desired.

Chicken Flat Bread Pizza ( for all the pizza lovers out there)

Ingredients:

2 thin pita breads (or thin flatbread)

1/3 lb chicken (3 chicken tenders)

1 ½ tsp olive oil

1/3 red pepper

4 med/large mushrooms

2 tsp olive oil

1 cup fresh spinach

1 small tomato (4-6 cherry tomatoes)

1 oz feta or goat cheese

2-3 tsp olive oil

1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded

Salt and pepper

Fresh basil, optional

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
2. Slice mushrooms. Cut pepper into thin short stands. Cut spinach into smaller pieces. Slice tomato, then cut into four (if using cherry tomatoes, just slice). Set aside.
3. Cut chicken into thin strip.
4. Heat 1 ½ tsp olive oil in skillet on med/high heat. Add chicken, cook 3-4 minutes, stirring frequently. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Remove chicken from skillet and set aside.
5. Add mushrooms and pepper (to same skillet). Drizzle 2 tsp oil. Cook 4 minute on med/high heat, lightly salt and pepper, stir. Remove from heat.
6. Take pita or flatbread. Top with spinach. Add chicken, tomato, pepper and mushrooms. Crumble goat cheese and add to pita. Drizzle 2-3 teaspoons olive oil over everything. Top with shredded mozzarella cheese.
7. Bake in preheated oven 10-12 minutes, longer if bread isn’t very thin.
8. Remove from oven, top with fresh basil if desired. Serve immediately.

Good Vibes

You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining.  You make progress by implementing ideas.
– Shirley Chisholm

My take: You have to crawl before you walk, and walk be for you run. Don’t talk about what you shoulda, coulda, woulda did. Be like Nike, and Just Do It.

PEACE, LOVES

HAPPY NEW YEAR BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! and welcome back to the world of a Knot so Fat Girl. Today is the first day of many blessings, new relationships, new life and new journeys. This is usually the time where everyone kicks off their resolutions with the “New Year, New Me” or the “New Year, Same Me” vibes. While that is all nice and I am totally with the movement, I just want something that will be more permanent and that I can turn into a life style and not just an annual mantra.

Today I intend on dropping a few jewels on you on how to start your journey and prepare for the road that is going to be an up hill battle, but well worth it in the end. My goal is to be as transparent and open as possible about my diet, my workouts, my weight loss as well as the possible gains (I REALLY hope there won’t be any lol), some of my day to day struggles that I have with myself image, my esteem and all of those things. If at any point and time you have questions, comments, concerns, or just want to say “Hey Girl Hey” please feel free to drop me a line, just talk to me nice 🙂 lol.

Things you will need and Things to Consider

LOSING WEIGHT WILL NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT!!! Ok now that that is out the way we can get to the good stuff. As Fast as I want to have Teyana Taylor body with a sprinkle of booty like Beyonce, I know it will not fall out the sky or I will wake up with it. It is going to take dedication, discipline, and A LOT of hard work. O lord I just got tired thinking about it…..(pray for me) BUT I know it can be done.

Things You Will Need:

-Good Music: I feel like when you get ready to workout and you have the right playlist it makes it all the more worth it and you get into it a lot more. Also a good set of headphones (wireless if possible) so when you are working out your arm doesn’t get caught in the cord and rip them out your ears which is very painful by the way.

-Good Running/walking shoes: get a good shoe that supports your arches and your ankles and will also help with the impact on your knees. This is not an excuse to go out and buy $200 Nike Vapor Maxes. Get a shoe that is comfortable on your pockets as well as your feet. Your joints will thank you later.

-Waist Beads: The purchase of these are strictly optional. I bought these because I can measure my loses and gains without having to step on a scale and disappointing myself. Believe me after you think you have been busting your tail in the gym just to see you haven’t lost a pound is devastating. The Beads sit on you natural waist and as you lose weight they will gradually roll down and sit on your hips. They are super inexpensive and so pretty. (Etsy)

-Take before pictures: This will help to also track your progress. Being that I only plan to weigh myself once a month you can take pictures every month and watch the transformation you go through as you make changes.

-A journal, and pens: For some reason I have these weird obsession with pens and sharpies. I could have like 30 at home and still buy more lol.. But a 89 cent composition notebook to log your workouts, your meals, and your water intake. Different color pens so you can color code your entries.

-JUG OF WATER: I can not stress the importance of staying hydrated when working out. If you don’t want to look like a sperm donor like Kevin Hart did lugging around a jug of water in 35 and Ticking; Amazon, Walmart, and Target have stylish gallon and 1/2 gallon jugs you can lug around instead. Yes I am aware you will not drink it all in one day, but that should be an ideal goal to consider also.

-Gym bag: This will house all your shoes, clothes, towels, etc. It keeps you from crowding your living space and your vehicle and won’t having it smelling like a high school locker room. Again not an excuse to go out and buy some high end bag when you got 3 good backpacks sitting in your closet.

-GOOD SUPPORTIVE SPORTS BRA: This is also an important piece of clothing. A good sports bra is ideal because it will minimize bouncing during the work out (especially for the heavy chested ladies such as myself). when you go shopping for your bras, look on the tag and it will tell you what kind of support it will give you. You want to go for a bra with a maximum impact. It will support you the best and last you a long time.

Things to Consider:

Being that you may be stepping back into the gym for the first time or you are a regular patron. DO NOT OVER EXTEND YOURSELF! this is important because you can really hurt yourself so protect your body and take it slow. I am an avid weightlifter. I love love love pulling big numbers, but that doesn’t mean I am about to be out in these streets banging out a 300 lbs deadlift, and a 50 kilo snatch today. So just be patient you will get there in due time.

The first couple of weeks will be hard, and I am speaking from experience. But as long as you have in your mind that you want to do it and YOU CAN DO IT then can’t will never be in your vocabulary. So Lets get on it!!

SN: I will post the workouts on snapchat and how to properly do the movements. So if you are interested follow me: Quoia2.0

The book I chose for the this month and I felt was pretty appropriate for this new start is called : The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It discuss how or habits affect us and how they can harnessed and changed for the better. I am pretty excited to read it, and I am sure you can find it at your local book store or Amazon for the lowski. Once you read it let me know what you thought about it and what you took away from this read. we can totally have an open discussion about it.

Good Vibe Quote

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
– Harriet Tubman

My Take:

For every can not you should have two I Wills. Things will not change over night and every dream you have needs work to make it your reality. All you have to do is just start, never give up, and know you will get to where you want to be.

PEACE, LOVES

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Welcome to the world of a Knot so Fat Girl.. This blog is sort of a documentary of a journey to be a healthier version of me in all aspects of my life. This also is a sort of consistency tracker if you will. I will post what I used to get started with my weight loss, as well as different little motivation reads, quotes, and all around feel good types of vibes. I am new to this whole blogging things so PLEASE bare with a sista, I am just figuring it as I go along. I will post weekly the workouts and meal prep I have done. I also will be posting books of the month. Just some bomb ass reads you should pick up to expand your mind. Sooo if you are picking up what I am putting down, then please join me on my adventure! I promise you won’t regret it. WISHING YOU PEACE, LOVE, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!